The current issue I am dealing with is as follows. Since I no longer need daycare, the girls don't go to my former place of employment (FPE). Now, on a daily basis, they ask why they can't go (ummm we can't afford it) and they get upset and sad. It says a lot for how the program was run, and how much they enjoyed it. They miss the crafts, games, and the friends that they made there, who aren't in their classes so they don't get to see now. Today was an early release day, so I was asked to help get the planned activities for the community going, which I did. But the girls had to stay at my FPE until I did everything that I needed to do, which didn't take too long. The girls were having a blast, and didn't want to leave. They wanted to go play outside, they wanted to go to the gym to play a game, and to be honest, so did I. I miss the kids at my FPE, and I miss the games and the conversations. I love the fact that when I see some of the kids they run up to me and give me a hug. I worked pretty dang hard to build those, and other, relationships, and it has been hard to not be there. But hopefully they got a fix and that will last a little while. Me? I will never get a fix that lasts awhile. If you know me, you know how much I love being with kids, and that will never go away.
So after we got home I started dinner. Yes, the pork tenderloin. I tried a recipe off of the internet and was a little worried how it would turn out as applesauce and soy sauce were in the ingredients. But, I pushed on, sauteing onions and garlic, adding the applesauce etc mixture and cooked it. DANG! It was good! I hope I can find that recipe again. It was mighty fine, if I do say so myself.
I am trying to figure out what I am going to do for the girls holiday pictures this year. I want to get a little more creative, and I have started to plant the seed for the girls on they type of picture I want to try and take. We'll see though. One never knows....
I am taking my mom to Mayo on December 4th to see the new plastic surgeon. There is a slight chance that she could have the surgery in December, but it always seems to change. I went to her house to change her dressing for her this week, and the wounds are getting bigger. Again she bled through the dressings and her binder. I am looking forward to this being done for her sake. What it seems like now is that they are just going to do skin grafts to try and close up the wounds. I still don't understand how the grafts will hold with the hernia she has, but I guess that will be a question for the doctor.
The week that Claire was sick, she informed me that she knew a bad word. I asked her what it was, expecting her to say fart or something like that. Instead, without batting an eyelash, she said, "bitch". I about fell off of my chair. I asked her where she had heard that and she told me that two boys in her class told her that it rhymed with one of their names, which it does. I just didn't expect that at all. As soon as she said the word, I felt like my little girl had lost a bit of her innocence. It was sad, and wrong. Sigh.......
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A Sad Day
Today I volunteer in the girls classrooms. I actually have to go soon to get to Claire's on time, but since I have like an hour to kill I like to go to Blue Moon cafe to just sit and relax. I think I have talked about the atmosphere before. Anyway, I drive by and.....CLOSED. Not just until they open in the morning, but for good.
Like I said, a sad day.
Like I said, a sad day.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Would I Have Changed How I Did Things?
I don't know. I'm not really sure if I would or not. Sometimes I think "If only I would have...." and then I stop. ***you should know at this point my thoughts have gone in so many directions. I have typed and deleted many things***
But if I hadn't followed the path that I am on, I wouldn't have what I have. Dion, my girls, my friends. And I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate what I have. I do. But is there more? Would there have been more? I don't know. How could I?
What I do know is that I am not satisfied with what I have. The option of having more kids ripped away from me always plays on my brain, poking at it, laughing at it, making it sad. It's not fair. Now, again, I reiterate, I am very happy with the kids that we have. That is not the point. The point is now it is no longer an option for me. Not by my choice. Maybe if I had made the choice and not cancer, I would feel different. No, I KNOW I would feel different. Ugh.
But, I have talked about the whole baby stealing thing before, and it hasn't changed and never will. So why do I bother? Maybe so I can stop buying pets to fulfill that void. That would be a good thing I think. But really, I don't know why I just cant accept this fact and move on. I am worried that in 15 years, I am still going to be blogging about this topic. In the words of someone I know, why can't I just get over this? I don't know. Otherwise I would be.
Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those people who get paid to do something they love? I need that. I want that. Of course I want to win the lottery and retire, but we all know the odds of that happening. There are so many things I want to do, that never crossed my mind as a college student. I think I went into college with the thought that I just needed to graduate. That was my goal since no one else in my family did. Now, of course, I look back and think, man I was stupid. I should have thought things out more. But I didn't and now here I am. You can bet that I am going to suggest my kids think it through a little more than I did. Already I ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Quite often in fact. Of course, Claire's response is the same every time. A cheerleader. Yikes. :) Not that there's anything wrong with that....
Now you may ask why I don't just go back to school. And I really wouldn't mind doing that, but after getting my first paycheck in my new position....well, yeah, that's not an option. Talk about money shock. Or lack thereof. Oh boy.
Anyway, we spent the day outside today, cleaning out branches and burning them. I smell like campfire. Mmmmmm....of course that takes me back to camp days. And back to camp friends. And camp memories. Those were my golden years. Memories of hanging out by a campfire with 10 middle school girls, and loving it. Memories of hiking in the woods and the back 40. The nature, the laughs, the games, the songs, the kids, the friends. All but just a memory now. As an adult, those things are gone. And that is sad.
So where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I feel kind of stuck. Dare I say trapped? That seems like kind of a harsh word, but sometimes that's how I feel. Like there is so much more I want to do, but can't. Does one just settle with what they have? I really don't know. And at what point is good enough good enough? Maybe at the point I am at.....
But if I hadn't followed the path that I am on, I wouldn't have what I have. Dion, my girls, my friends. And I don't want to sound like I don't appreciate what I have. I do. But is there more? Would there have been more? I don't know. How could I?
What I do know is that I am not satisfied with what I have. The option of having more kids ripped away from me always plays on my brain, poking at it, laughing at it, making it sad. It's not fair. Now, again, I reiterate, I am very happy with the kids that we have. That is not the point. The point is now it is no longer an option for me. Not by my choice. Maybe if I had made the choice and not cancer, I would feel different. No, I KNOW I would feel different. Ugh.
But, I have talked about the whole baby stealing thing before, and it hasn't changed and never will. So why do I bother? Maybe so I can stop buying pets to fulfill that void. That would be a good thing I think. But really, I don't know why I just cant accept this fact and move on. I am worried that in 15 years, I am still going to be blogging about this topic. In the words of someone I know, why can't I just get over this? I don't know. Otherwise I would be.
Wouldn't it be nice to be one of those people who get paid to do something they love? I need that. I want that. Of course I want to win the lottery and retire, but we all know the odds of that happening. There are so many things I want to do, that never crossed my mind as a college student. I think I went into college with the thought that I just needed to graduate. That was my goal since no one else in my family did. Now, of course, I look back and think, man I was stupid. I should have thought things out more. But I didn't and now here I am. You can bet that I am going to suggest my kids think it through a little more than I did. Already I ask them what they want to be when they grow up. Quite often in fact. Of course, Claire's response is the same every time. A cheerleader. Yikes. :) Not that there's anything wrong with that....
Now you may ask why I don't just go back to school. And I really wouldn't mind doing that, but after getting my first paycheck in my new position....well, yeah, that's not an option. Talk about money shock. Or lack thereof. Oh boy.
Anyway, we spent the day outside today, cleaning out branches and burning them. I smell like campfire. Mmmmmm....of course that takes me back to camp days. And back to camp friends. And camp memories. Those were my golden years. Memories of hanging out by a campfire with 10 middle school girls, and loving it. Memories of hiking in the woods and the back 40. The nature, the laughs, the games, the songs, the kids, the friends. All but just a memory now. As an adult, those things are gone. And that is sad.
So where do I go from here? I'm not sure. I feel kind of stuck. Dare I say trapped? That seems like kind of a harsh word, but sometimes that's how I feel. Like there is so much more I want to do, but can't. Does one just settle with what they have? I really don't know. And at what point is good enough good enough? Maybe at the point I am at.....
A Note to the Virus Who WAS in Our House
Dear Virus,
Thank you for finally leaving our house. And while you never did settle down with me (I won't take it personally), I am ok with the fact that you have returned to where ever you came from. You have left a little bit of a reminder with us of your long uninvited visit through a cough the both girls have, but that's ok. We can deal with that.
Anyway, I am looking forward to getting back to our normal family routine. Well, if you can call our routine normal.
With Regards,
Sue Flaska
Thank you for finally leaving our house. And while you never did settle down with me (I won't take it personally), I am ok with the fact that you have returned to where ever you came from. You have left a little bit of a reminder with us of your long uninvited visit through a cough the both girls have, but that's ok. We can deal with that.
Anyway, I am looking forward to getting back to our normal family routine. Well, if you can call our routine normal.
With Regards,
Sue Flaska
Thursday, November 05, 2009
A Note to the Virus in Our House
Dear Dirty Virus,
You have been an uninvited visitor in our house since October 17th. You hung around Dion like you were pals from long ago. You made him hang out with you and miss work, and really provided nothing to the relationship. So you left for a bit. For some reason you came back on October 29th, once again uninvited. This time you thought you would spend some quality time with Nadia, and two days later thought you better hang out with Claire too, so as not to make her jealous. That was very considerate of you, not playing favorites and all.
It was nice of you to spend Halloween with us. We really were hoping you would stay around so we couldn't go trick or treating, so thanks for that. And while we thought that it was about time for you make your exit as you had totally over-stayed your welcome, you just weren't quite ready to leave. You hadn't yet made Claire's temp get close to 105 and while that was a hefty goal, you succeeded. Way to go.
I know Nadia can be rather active so I totally understand why you switched your focus to Claire. She tends to sleep a bit more than Nadia when you visit. I can understand that you needed a break, you know, just a little time to relax and hang out. Claire certainly fit the bill for that. Just when I thought you were getting ready to pack your bags and leave today, you hung around enough to give Claire a headache and a temp of 101.1. Just enough to allow her to hang out with you tomorrow instead of going to school. You must have needed just one more day of quality Claire time.
But now we have got a problem that we need to discuss. I can understand wanting to hang out with my kids. They can be funny and rather dramatic, the offer interesting insight into things. But the buck stops there. I think I can feel you hanging out in my muscles. I am having to use a blanket and put my hood up to keep some of the chills away. I think you are familiar with the chills. I believe they are friends of yours.
So I hate to be rude and all, but Virus, you need to get the hell out. You are not welcome in our house any longer, I don't want to be your host (ess). So please move on and leave us alone. The Flaska's have had their fill of you.
Sincerely,
Sue
You have been an uninvited visitor in our house since October 17th. You hung around Dion like you were pals from long ago. You made him hang out with you and miss work, and really provided nothing to the relationship. So you left for a bit. For some reason you came back on October 29th, once again uninvited. This time you thought you would spend some quality time with Nadia, and two days later thought you better hang out with Claire too, so as not to make her jealous. That was very considerate of you, not playing favorites and all.
It was nice of you to spend Halloween with us. We really were hoping you would stay around so we couldn't go trick or treating, so thanks for that. And while we thought that it was about time for you make your exit as you had totally over-stayed your welcome, you just weren't quite ready to leave. You hadn't yet made Claire's temp get close to 105 and while that was a hefty goal, you succeeded. Way to go.
I know Nadia can be rather active so I totally understand why you switched your focus to Claire. She tends to sleep a bit more than Nadia when you visit. I can understand that you needed a break, you know, just a little time to relax and hang out. Claire certainly fit the bill for that. Just when I thought you were getting ready to pack your bags and leave today, you hung around enough to give Claire a headache and a temp of 101.1. Just enough to allow her to hang out with you tomorrow instead of going to school. You must have needed just one more day of quality Claire time.
But now we have got a problem that we need to discuss. I can understand wanting to hang out with my kids. They can be funny and rather dramatic, the offer interesting insight into things. But the buck stops there. I think I can feel you hanging out in my muscles. I am having to use a blanket and put my hood up to keep some of the chills away. I think you are familiar with the chills. I believe they are friends of yours.
So I hate to be rude and all, but Virus, you need to get the hell out. You are not welcome in our house any longer, I don't want to be your host (ess). So please move on and leave us alone. The Flaska's have had their fill of you.
Sincerely,
Sue
Pete and Repeat Were in a Boat....Pete Fell Out, Who was Left?
Today Nadia had the all clear with a perfect 98.6 temp. Claire was at 100 and then later went up to 101. So everyone knows what that means, right? No free Friday for me as Claire will have to stay home again tomorrow. We were so close!
Nadia handled her first day back well. I thought she may have some issues re-adjusting, but she didn't. She and Claire giggles the whole way home from school. They missed each other, and even can admit that they did. But the separation is good for them (and me).
I have been dragging all day today. Even sometimes having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Isn't that strange? It's not like I am doing a lot at home. In fact, I haven't been doing much of anything. I think I really need to get back to the gym. I think that is why my activity levels have plummeted. Well, that and basically the split shifts I am doing, and the sinus infection. Oh and sick kids, and the stress, oh what the hell. Who am I kidding? I could go on and on I suppose but it wouldn't change any of this.
So today Claire was very intrigued by the Smurfs. Are they making a comeback? I do have to say that some of the content is a little iffy. But they are the Smurfs. I found myself watching them, wishing that I could have their life, where everything is Smurfy and the biggest challenge is keeping away from a creepy dress wearing man and his orange cat with a bite missing from his ear. I could do that. Easily. Although I don't know how keen I would be to living in a one room mushroom. I would definitely have to add on a shroom or two. And screw the white dress. No way. No how. That would have to change. And the shoes. They just look painful.
Anyway, I believe a cat just puked so now I must go clean that up. Oh what a wonderful life.
Nadia handled her first day back well. I thought she may have some issues re-adjusting, but she didn't. She and Claire giggles the whole way home from school. They missed each other, and even can admit that they did. But the separation is good for them (and me).
I have been dragging all day today. Even sometimes having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Isn't that strange? It's not like I am doing a lot at home. In fact, I haven't been doing much of anything. I think I really need to get back to the gym. I think that is why my activity levels have plummeted. Well, that and basically the split shifts I am doing, and the sinus infection. Oh and sick kids, and the stress, oh what the hell. Who am I kidding? I could go on and on I suppose but it wouldn't change any of this.
So today Claire was very intrigued by the Smurfs. Are they making a comeback? I do have to say that some of the content is a little iffy. But they are the Smurfs. I found myself watching them, wishing that I could have their life, where everything is Smurfy and the biggest challenge is keeping away from a creepy dress wearing man and his orange cat with a bite missing from his ear. I could do that. Easily. Although I don't know how keen I would be to living in a one room mushroom. I would definitely have to add on a shroom or two. And screw the white dress. No way. No how. That would have to change. And the shoes. They just look painful.
Anyway, I believe a cat just puked so now I must go clean that up. Oh what a wonderful life.
Monday, November 02, 2009
This is Getting So Old!
Both girls were home again today and will have to stay home tomorrow too. I thought Nadia was on the upswing, but she spiked again to 102. Poor Claire woke up this morning at 104.8. It has been a long rough day for the Flaska family, and tomorrow doesn't seem like its going to get much better. I just want all of this crap to be over! It's not looking too good right now though. Tomorrow will be a call to the doctor since Nadia has been out for almost a week straight. I keep worrying about dehydration ever since it happened to Nadia last year and she had to be in the hospital. That was horrible!
On the bright side, I got a little bit caught up on laundry today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to put it all away. Sounds like good times, eh? My goal is that come Friday, my day off, both kids will be back in school and I won't have any other obligations and can enjoy my day off. It seems like the last few weeks that hasn't been possible. Mostly it seems like that because it hasn't been possible.
I am horribly addicted to Facebook and all the evils that go with it. Cafe World? Play it, love it. Farkle? Play it, get mad at it. Chats? Yep, you can find me there. What an evil empire FB has become! But in the way like when you have a bug bite and it hurts to scratch it, but at the same time feels so good. That is Facebook. I would be in Cafe World right now but I know my next dish has to cook for another 5 hours, so I'm good.
We are planning our second annual trip to the dells, but upping the amount of people that go. It will be the four of us, our neighbors family of four, my college room mates family of 3 and Kelsey and possibly her beau. 13 of us! It is going to be awesome! We are getting a 3 bedroom deluxe lodge with a full kitchen. The girls ask every other day how many more days until we go to the dells. Might be a long few months!
I miss the gym. Ok. There. I said it. I miss the gym! I miss the rush it gives me when I am done, I miss the sweat, I miss the ultra clean smell of the towels, I miss my music, I miss my alone time. Another reason that I hope all of this illness stuff goes away soon. I am sure that I have gained everything I lost last month right back. Drats! How frustrating.
Nothing yet from the doctor for my mom. Oh, the city has approved the addition (minus a set of steps from the deck to the ground, but that can be changed) for our house for my mom. It looks like, right now, we will be starting in the spring. Hopefully she will be done with her surgeries (at least one of them) by then. That would be nice.The blueprints are pretty cool. I hope it all works out.
Ok, have to run. That's all for now.....
On the bright side, I got a little bit caught up on laundry today. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to put it all away. Sounds like good times, eh? My goal is that come Friday, my day off, both kids will be back in school and I won't have any other obligations and can enjoy my day off. It seems like the last few weeks that hasn't been possible. Mostly it seems like that because it hasn't been possible.
I am horribly addicted to Facebook and all the evils that go with it. Cafe World? Play it, love it. Farkle? Play it, get mad at it. Chats? Yep, you can find me there. What an evil empire FB has become! But in the way like when you have a bug bite and it hurts to scratch it, but at the same time feels so good. That is Facebook. I would be in Cafe World right now but I know my next dish has to cook for another 5 hours, so I'm good.
We are planning our second annual trip to the dells, but upping the amount of people that go. It will be the four of us, our neighbors family of four, my college room mates family of 3 and Kelsey and possibly her beau. 13 of us! It is going to be awesome! We are getting a 3 bedroom deluxe lodge with a full kitchen. The girls ask every other day how many more days until we go to the dells. Might be a long few months!
I miss the gym. Ok. There. I said it. I miss the gym! I miss the rush it gives me when I am done, I miss the sweat, I miss the ultra clean smell of the towels, I miss my music, I miss my alone time. Another reason that I hope all of this illness stuff goes away soon. I am sure that I have gained everything I lost last month right back. Drats! How frustrating.
Nothing yet from the doctor for my mom. Oh, the city has approved the addition (minus a set of steps from the deck to the ground, but that can be changed) for our house for my mom. It looks like, right now, we will be starting in the spring. Hopefully she will be done with her surgeries (at least one of them) by then. That would be nice.The blueprints are pretty cool. I hope it all works out.
Ok, have to run. That's all for now.....
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Laptops. Are. Awesome.
For quite a few reasons, but look at how many times I have blogged in the past few days. All because of easy access and the fact that I cab get on the Internet rather fast as opposed to our desk top computer which does not work very well. I tried to tell Dion that he should ask for a netbook for Christmas, but he ignored me. I am not sure what that means.
So here we are. Nadia's temp is 99 degrees, down from 103. Claire on the other hand, has gone from 100 to 102. It seems like her body is having a harder time fighting off whatever this is than Nadia's body did. We have the sleeper sofa pulled out and they are resting on that whilst watching Spongebob. I have a feeling that Claire will miss school tomorrow. I have no clue about Nadia as of right now. She has been out since last Wednesday, so it would be nice to get her back into the grove of things.
Anyway, here are some sites for you to check out. One is flickr . If you are interested in looking at some of my pictures, look under flaskafive. I haven't posted anything on my other blog as it takes so much time to upload the pictures, and since I have other locations where I post photos, I have kind of ignored A Different POV. Anyway, here is another site for you....
here. It is the photo club that I am involved in. You can look for me there as Sue F. But also take a chance to look around at the site. It is pretty awesome and has a lot of talented work on it. Way better than my stuff.
I am hoping when things slow down a little that I can get back into taking pictures on a more regular basis. I have missed it. Man! It seems like I have my hands in so many different things that it is hard to keep track of all of it. Pictures, blogging, writing, the gym, and then of course the two jobs, two kids, and a husband. Then we can go even further with my mom, my sister, all of our pets, laundry, cleaning, Facebook (come on! FB takes a lot of time!)....yikes. If only there were a few extra hours in the day and one extra day on the weekend. How great would that be? I would call the day Octoday. And that day would be devoted to only doing my hobby type stuff. Children would have to entertain themselves and for once get all of their own stuff and maybe not even whine. For. The. Whole.Day. Ahhhhh....bliss........
SNAP! Back to reality.
So here we are. Nadia's temp is 99 degrees, down from 103. Claire on the other hand, has gone from 100 to 102. It seems like her body is having a harder time fighting off whatever this is than Nadia's body did. We have the sleeper sofa pulled out and they are resting on that whilst watching Spongebob. I have a feeling that Claire will miss school tomorrow. I have no clue about Nadia as of right now. She has been out since last Wednesday, so it would be nice to get her back into the grove of things.
Anyway, here are some sites for you to check out. One is flickr . If you are interested in looking at some of my pictures, look under flaskafive. I haven't posted anything on my other blog as it takes so much time to upload the pictures, and since I have other locations where I post photos, I have kind of ignored A Different POV. Anyway, here is another site for you....
here. It is the photo club that I am involved in. You can look for me there as Sue F. But also take a chance to look around at the site. It is pretty awesome and has a lot of talented work on it. Way better than my stuff.
I am hoping when things slow down a little that I can get back into taking pictures on a more regular basis. I have missed it. Man! It seems like I have my hands in so many different things that it is hard to keep track of all of it. Pictures, blogging, writing, the gym, and then of course the two jobs, two kids, and a husband. Then we can go even further with my mom, my sister, all of our pets, laundry, cleaning, Facebook (come on! FB takes a lot of time!)....yikes. If only there were a few extra hours in the day and one extra day on the weekend. How great would that be? I would call the day Octoday. And that day would be devoted to only doing my hobby type stuff. Children would have to entertain themselves and for once get all of their own stuff and maybe not even whine. For. The. Whole.Day. Ahhhhh....bliss........
SNAP! Back to reality.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Halloween
Well, this is one for the books. Both girls had fevers and could not go trick or treating. How much does that suck as a kid? As an adult, not so much minus the fact that the girls got stir crazy and Claire cried for 45 minutes. Other than all of that, it was not too bad.
I always think of my dad for the holidays and how much he loved to decorate for them. Halloween was a big one for him. It's so odd. Growing up I don't remember him being all that in to holidays. He really didn't have a lot of time for them. He sure did make up for it though as his got more and more grand kids. It was like the more grand kids he got, the more decorations he bought and proudly displayed. Sometimes to my moms dismay.
So now here we sit with unused costumes that most likely won't fit next year. Although we did take the girls to the store during trick or treating time to pick out their own candy and find a movie and a toy. That seemed to be a fair trade in their books. Plus, the store was pretty much empty and kind of enjoyable. Kind of.
My stomach is so full. Too full. Dion made a spicy beef and vegetable soup from scratch and it was oh so good...even if it had a little kick to it. I had to drink a bit of milk to counter act the spice. I can still feel it on my tongue.
Ok, I guess that's it for this holiday. It's pretty much over, but I wouldn't mind watching some scary movies. But we'll see. Things tend to not pan out in the night for me. But I am listening to the scanner as I write since I am pretty sure it will be a busy night for the police. It has been so far.
I always think of my dad for the holidays and how much he loved to decorate for them. Halloween was a big one for him. It's so odd. Growing up I don't remember him being all that in to holidays. He really didn't have a lot of time for them. He sure did make up for it though as his got more and more grand kids. It was like the more grand kids he got, the more decorations he bought and proudly displayed. Sometimes to my moms dismay.
So now here we sit with unused costumes that most likely won't fit next year. Although we did take the girls to the store during trick or treating time to pick out their own candy and find a movie and a toy. That seemed to be a fair trade in their books. Plus, the store was pretty much empty and kind of enjoyable. Kind of.
My stomach is so full. Too full. Dion made a spicy beef and vegetable soup from scratch and it was oh so good...even if it had a little kick to it. I had to drink a bit of milk to counter act the spice. I can still feel it on my tongue.
Ok, I guess that's it for this holiday. It's pretty much over, but I wouldn't mind watching some scary movies. But we'll see. Things tend to not pan out in the night for me. But I am listening to the scanner as I write since I am pretty sure it will be a busy night for the police. It has been so far.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
